The Importance of the MENTOR
In recent years, there has been a massive focus on the phenomena of mentoring. You can find in-house mentor programs run by employers, you can undertake career mentoring through your industry body or technical group, or you can set up your own mentoring relationship in the absence of, or to compliment, either of those options. There are strting to be plenty of groups out there claiming to be the next thing in the mentoring game. Maybe they are.
This is about the focus on you, the independent career women, taking charge of her challenge to the glass ceiling, and getting a mentor of your own.
"What is the difference between a Mentor and a Coach?" is one of the first questions I get when asked about mentoring. The way I see it, there are elements of coaching in a mentor relationship, but coaching tends to focus on broader “life” issues and can involve change processes and goal setting as a part of the session. A mentoring relationship can be a lot less formal than structured coaching. For a business approach, these are the definitions I use:
Mentor – A wise and trusted counsellor or teacher – a known source of industry knowledge and experience.
Mentoring– The delivery of knowledge to a willing listener, the guidance of a senior or experienced person given to a less experienced person.
Mentoree/Mentee– the person receiving the mentoring from a mentor.
Often, when you look inside the company you work for, a token effort can be given to the process, but it might just not be working in the way that benefits you. There can be many reasons for that, but one of the strongest is in the competitive world of “getting ahead”. If someone helps you to be better at your role, what happens if you turn out to be better than them? This fear, while potentially unrecognised, can be quite powerful in a competitive job market, or a company where there is little chance of jumping up the ladder in a hurry.
Sometimes the more senior members of staff can be overwhelmed by a new, enthusiastic, zealous, passionate person who wants to be brilliant at what she does. Often, in hierarchical structure, asking questions labels you as many things, but incredibly, ambitious is often not one of those labels.
So what is a girl to do? SYO – Source Your Own!
What to look for in a Mentor
First thing is to determine what it is you want to achieve. Is it career excellence? Is it a bucket load of money? These 2 things are not exclusive; but if its money you are after, and don’t have a passion for a particular career, then you will want to look at a variety of people who made money; not the top achievers in the area of your industry or study, which you would do if you have a spcific industry in mind.
So you first need to narrow down the field – what does success look like for you? These are questions you might ask yourself as you think about what it is you want from a mentor.
DO you desire more knowledge or to specialise in a particular area?
DO you have a desire to be the best in your chosen field?
DO you know that there is knowledge out there that you can’t get to (yet) and does that drive you crazy?
DO you just know that there is more to know or that you can be better than you currently are?
YES to any one of these questions – YOU WANT A MENTOR!!!
Once you have that detail, then you look for the person who embodies what you want the most. If you are a pilot, you are going to look at someone with the safest record, the longest flight hours, the longest career trajectory (pun intended). If you are a project manager, you are going to look for those who are writing in the trade journals, who have won awards, who are being asked to speak at the industry conferences time and time again. If you are in customer service, you are going to look at those who generate repeat business, that people always recommend, that have followers singing their praises.
If you want to make money, you are going to look for those who have the “midas” touch, those who seem to make money no matter what they do. I am sure you can think of a few examples without trying too hard. You might want to do a combination of both types.
Now, you are not going to get access to this list of people easily, if at all. However, you can make a list of what it is about them that you would want their advice. Why did you pick them? Not just because they make money, or seem to know everything about the industry, but why specifically them? Do they have confidence? Did they present themselves in a way that you related to? Did they have…. What?
Once you have made this list, you have a better idea of why you want a mentor and what you want that mentor to help you with.
Now start to look around your closer circle. Don’t limit yourself by thinking “will they won’t they”. Just start to consider who you already have access to – are they a different gender, are they older or younger than you are, do they have a different job title, do they do the same role as you but in a different industry – none of these things are issues unless you make them issues.
As a strong female, some of my best mentors have been men. And while I am talking about me, one of my secrets to picking a mentor, is do they annoy me? I know that might sound crazy, but I generally will pick someone who had driven me crazy with a statement, or who outright provides a challenge to my thought process. Why? Exactly for that reason.
I don’t want a mentor who thinks like I do, I already do that well enough. I want someone who plays devil’s advocate, who tells me I am wrong and then encourages me to think about why that might be. That might be a little too much for your first time, but it works well for me when I want to expand my thinking and experiences outside of what I already know.
Ask around your circle for a recommendation. Ask someone who is being mentored how they found their mentor. Attend industry evenings, presentations and conferences and become a networking queen! Be expansive, not reductive.
Now you have something tangible to work with. So go get ‘em tiger! Ask for a coffee meeting, and pay for the coffee. Trust me, you might find that 5 bucks hard to manage, but the lifetime of experiences, the lessons you can learn without having to make the same mistakes as others, the advice you will receive will outweigh any short term pain. It also lets the mentor know you are serious, you are willing to acknowledge their efforts and not waste their valuable time, and yours.
Be clear, be specific and be to the point. Now you have their attention, it is not the time to play the shrinking violet, the shy wall flower, the demure lady. Be honest about what you are looking for, and why you think they would make a great mentor. Don’t flatter and overdo it. Be clear, be concise and ask professionally and politely.
The key to finding a great mentor is to ask, ask, ask and then ask some more.
Some of them might say no. Don’t take it personally. You won’t know what is happening in their life, so don’t read into it any more than it doesn’t work for them right now. Get to the next person on your list and keep asking. When I look back over my career, I had mentors before I even knew what the word was. Trust me, there will be someone on your circle, or your friends’ circle that you will find and be able to build that relationship with.
Make a time on a regular, but not frequent basis to meet with your mentor. You don’t need to see them every week or month, that becomes a little too dependant. You want a mentor to challenge you, not babysit you. Thank them when they help you, and when they don’t. Remain professional. Credit your mentor if you get the chance and if it is appropriate.
Build on your success, get another mentor, climb higher.
It s journey that never stops, unless you stop it yourself. When you feel you have reached that measure of success, become a mentor yourself. It gives more rewards than you would think when you are on the other side of the table.
Always remember, along the journey, take time out to reward yourself, and your mentor if you can, for the success you have and will have.
~The Words of Bek
