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Resolving to Resolve

I

Want

To

Have

Resolve

Need

Resolve

Work Hard Need Resolve

And I realize as I stare at the photo that makes up my screen when I minimize the distraction in front of my I have being trying to resolve that being the resolve to in fact write about resolve, that I;

Am caught in a pop culture reference for my semi quasi sesqui sential central character development about myself and that is that I;

Know nothing

About

Resolve

When I realize that the photo I stare at shows everything about resolve

as it was built by hand and toil and danger and sweat combined

to make an existence we photograph as we go on tours designed

to make us think about our resolve and I resolve;

That despite the very obvious comparison to a life that while difficult in the extreme to have lived and made it thru this far is certainly nothing when compared to the time and labour and effort and significant work that had gone into providing subsidence for an entire community that the people who have crafted what I look at as I ponder my resolve to be eloquent about resolve that I simply cannot get past that no matter how good a writer, how gifted and a crafter of an engaging and arranged piece of literature, that I;

Who thought she knew a thing or 2 about eloquence and resolve;

In fact have absolutely no idea, and I realize that I;

Know nothing;

About

Resolve

That hasn’t been described a thousand time over in every etch of this beautiful and breathtaking view that I was fortunate to visit on a never ending story that was magical and magic all together along with all the other things I saw and tried and bought and made sure was extra fried and then he, driver of the taxi, told me that he was lucky to speak English because his first 4 siblings had to “make rice” all day which was the sum of things as all the work required to be sure that the outcome desire was encapsulated in its generations of entirety of tending to the fields in what is similar to this photo that I gaze at so wonderfully in remembrance and enjoy the very thought of while entire families made enough to feed themselves and I think that I;

Maybe

Have a thing or 2 to learn to try to give a go to attempt once or maybe even twice more again because I have a lot of chances to have been something else that is not me right now and all the things that I have had and maybe that I worked for them is something in itself that I could be the fortunate recipient of the wonderfulness of being born into a culture that let me learn to read when in this one it takes 4 children, 2 parents and 1 successful rice field for the fifth child to maybe have a chance to learn how to speak English well enough to drive some tourists around the island at whatever o’clock they want and ponder about the very existence of life as they drink a local beverage while watching the sun go up sun go down and enjoying the feel of the sand in their toes while the driver’s family hopes he makes enough to take care of the family and the sick parents and the cost of schooling and the effort of refueling and the hours that are grueling so that maybe one of them can eat too and

I know that I;

Resolve

That I

Must

Absolutely and quite clearly tip him ever so dearly

and make sure that it large enough to overwhelm my slowly mounting guilt that no matter how many homily anomalies that discourse through this social lobotomy whereby I see these daily “inspirations” over media shared most gaily and liked and like and shared again in case you missed the sharing of it the first time and anyway I paid him a large tip for the day to make my guilt go away and stay and I spent more than I have planned to let into play but it was a shopping kind of day

And I so I look at this amazing photo no longer with a sense of guilt and awe and think of the amazing ancestors and what has gone before. I sit and gaze and think these people do this every day and hope to make it through. That is their resolve and the thing that they must do. I resolve no more but only this I cannot use this word so freely any more and only say, that, if I need it one day, that I might in fact be able to say based on all my experiences but maybe in comparison, in a way with another who is not me but might see my surround as a paradise and maybe it would make them think twice before they throw it all away and I would give it another try again maybe just add a little… rice….

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