The Balanced Myth
Balance – the state of equilibrium between two opposing forces.
You might remember have read my previous article "What's in it for me". Now might be time to read it if you haven't already. It is related directly to the concept of Balance.
This is why we normally hear about work/life balance. How many of you strive for balance, only to find that it is a myth, a dream we have been sold, along with “you can have it all”. Another way of looking at this might be to ask, how many men do you know are talking about how to achieve “balance” in their lives? Chances are – not many.
Why is that? Why do women put so much pressure on themselves to have a “balanced” life? I would like to challenge the concept that we use to measure how “balanced” we are. In this edition, there will be many articles to help you achieve balance, how to get it; how to focus on it; what it might look like. I want you to think right now about what balance would look like for you. Is it having time to do everything you need to in a day? Is it having enough rest every day so that you have managed all the commitments you have in your life, whether it be a super mom or a career women? Or both?
Now ask yourself how realistic that is – how likely is it to be that such a state will exist for you?
If you have a busy life, as most of us do, then you are probably shaking your head and thinking, not very and not any time soon. Maybe when the children go to college? Maybe when you get to that boardroom position? Maybe not.
How much grief do you give yourself over this question that we are often told is the key to a happy life, and a happy home and happy career…..? Do you spend more time worrying about how to fit it all in than you do actually sleeping or enjoying the tasks you are currently engaged in? Chances are you are just like me and spend the hours before you finally go to sleep wondering why it is that you just can’t get the balance right? On the other days, you are so exhausted you fall asleep only to wake up in what seems like 5 minutes to start all over again and go full tilt until the next chance to drop.
I flip between these states. And I have come to the conclusion that “balance” and the mythology around having “it” is just that. A myth. A dream. A “nice to have” that does not work in the real world that we all live in.
I think it is good to have a reminder that we need to find some balance – somewhere. However, I don’t believe it is possible for anyone to live a life constantly in balance. We continually compromise, let the little things go, re-prioritise based on what today brings, or what our families need in any given moment. That in itself is a definition of balance that we often fail to consider as appropriate.
The phrase “to strike a balance” has the definition to reach a compromise between two extremes. I believe that is a better guide to having a balanced life, certainly more useful than the one we are given by the overwhelming messages delivered by advertising and other media, that decrees we must live in a state of peace and harmony in our lives at all times.
Inner harmony – absolutely – it is what helps us keep our sanity when everything is yelling for our attention. But external harmony? Unless you have a fairy godmother who can wave a magic wand for you (and if you do I would like to contract her services please!) and create a state of peace inside that pumpkin-turned-coach; I am pretty sure that external harmony is something we can only experience in the five minutes before we fall sleep when we realize there is nothing more we can do today!
I am not saying we should not try. We absolutely should. I am saying we need to be a lot nicer to ourselves, to go easier on our own expectations, when we don’t achieve that beautiful state of balance and harmony. We need to recognize those few moments of peace when we have them and cherish them, but not measure the rest of our day, week, lives against that one blissful moment as the pinnacle of how we should be living.
So why did I refer to a previous article at the start of this one? It encapsulates one of the ways in which I attempt to balance my own life. I check in every now and then using the “what’s in it for me” technique to see what I am giving my energy to and if it still serves me. Right now I am packing for a month long trip to the United States of America (so exciting!) in which I start by delivering a presentation to a women’s conference including a book signing event; right through to a few days in Las Vegas to celebrate my birthday (even more exciting) at the end of my tour. I have a speech to learn, bags to pack, a list of items to remember to pack, the rules of what I can and cannot take into the country to research, organize my home life so I can be absent for a month, make sure my mother who lives with me is considered and cared for while I am away, my wonderful pooch to ensure his medication is up-to-date, this article to type in the middle of all that, plus my “normal” life – what ever that is. If you find it, please tell it to come home! Oh! and I moved house somewhere in there as well.
Who has time for work in amongst all that? Where is my poor husband in all of this? You might think that I am unbalanced (it’s okay, my friends often do as well) however because there is so much in this for me and my goals in life, I am enjoying it as much as can. After all, who really enjoys packing! But I feel balanced in amongst all the chaos because I remind myself that this is a goal I want to achieve. That after the goal comes the reward (birthday celebrations here we come) and that is what makes it all worth while. It gives me my balance. And my husband is travelling with me, so I am looking forward to catching up with him.
So next time you feel out of balance, or you feel challenged to obtain some balance, remind yourself that the balance you seek may not look like the perfect life myth you have been sold. It may look like your life, with some extra enjoyment thrown in. It may look like your timetable for the next week, but with a reward at the end, which may be just a good night’s sleep.
It might be a deep breath and a reminder that all is well in your world, to the best of your abilities, and that is balance enough for right now.
