The Dark Side of Collboration
Collaboration is a powerful concept. This word is thrown around in professional team building exercises, in group activities, as a buzz word in meetings. But do we really get the concept?
There are two (2) dictionary definitions for collaboration (Encarta Dictionary [U.K.]) –
“the act of working together with one or more people in order to achieve something”; and
“the betrayal of others by working with an enemy, especially an occupying force".
I find it interesting that the one word has two definitions that are almost opposite in meaning? I challenge you to look honestly: which form of collaboration do you subscribe to? We all want to think of ourselves as highly evolved – having a great set of rules for life that means we work together effortlessly for the greater good.
Really? Have you ever made a comment about a woman that was unflattering? How about a lady who chooses not to wear makeup or have her hair done to salon standards – ever made that passing comment to someone that may have been derogatory about an appearance of another women? How about because a reward or promotion was given out to another women, but not to you?
You don’t have to admit it to anyone but yourself, but do you really support other women – all the time? Even if she didn’t hear it, or have someone pass it to her through gossip channels, did it make you feel more important by putting her down? If not, why did you do it?
You are not naturally a nasty person, so this might be a little confronting to look at. Let’s investigate why women pull other women down in our world at a time when we really need to be pulling each other up. Our world has taken a dark turn in recent times when it comes to women’s rights on a global scale. A great example is the recent treatment of the first female Prime Minister in Australia. While the treatment by the men was shocking enough, the commentary from women influential in the feminist movement made was about irrelevant matters such as her dress sense. Instead of lifting her up and recognizing what an achievement ex-Prime Minister Gillard has made, regardless of whether you agreed with her political agenda, she was vilified for her clothing.
It is this insidious behavior, the dark side of collaboration that I want to challenge. I also want you to challenge it for yourself. Women are bought up in a society that has changed so dramatically from what our mothers’ grew up in that we are still struggling to redefine the role of women in this world. Years of fighting to vote, to drive, to be seen as ‘ equally human’ have got us to this point, but we are still not there in terms of global collaboration between the forces that women can bring to bear on the way society is moving.
I am not blaming you, but I am challenging you. Perhaps it’s the way that unspoken expectations are set up in our development. There are so few women in the senior roles at work, unconsciously perhaps we believe we have to fight other women for those top spots, but not the men? Maybe we have spent a lifetime of believing that we are fat, ugly, uncoordinated (insert ‘insult’ of choice) and that to feel a little bit better for a moment, we need to be horrid about another women’s beauty and style? Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why do you make those comments, act that way? Do you tell yourself that the person can’t hear, will never know, that it doesn’t really matter?
If those same comments were directed at you – would it matter? Of course it would.
We have a scarcity mentality when it comes to the advantages for women in this world. We operate on the premise that there are a finite number of opportunities for women to “fight” for and we, perhaps, act a little like the men to get what we want by dragging someone down, to climb over them to the top, to get there first.
Women are great collaborators when they are truly behind what they believe in. I have fantastic female friends that support me whenever I need it, I am sure you do too. It is not those women I am challenging you to look at how you offer support. It’s the single mother than never looks fully dressed. It’s the lady at work who has the crazy laugh and says inappropriate comments that she thinks are funny. It’s the women who look better than you do on some arbitrary scale you have nominated, but might in fact have a greater level of insecurity because in her mind – perhaps all she has is looks.
You don’t know what is going on for those women you judge, but perhaps if you embrace the true meaning of collaboration, you might take a chance to find out.
You may gain greater insight into the way she works and thinks. You might gain a friend. At the very least, you will be reaching out to someone outside of your experience and comfort zone to find out how you can support them to their greater good.
Maybe someone outside of your usual sphere of influence will do the same for you.
That is the true meaning of collaboration – to do it when it doesn’t necessarily benefit you or your circumstance particularly, but it benefits someone, or something, bigger than yourself.
